The German Extravaganza

Passions and Purpose

2007-11-01T09:31:00.000+01:00

I feel like I am walking in the desert. I don't know how or why I got to this point; it's like I woke up one morning and God was gone. I know that it is my fault. I haven't been reading my bible or talking to God as much. At all, really. Sure, I will open it and skim through it, but that is not what I want. I want to immerse myself in it. But I seem to find other things to occupy my time. Last week, I was on a YWAM base here in Germany. It made me remember Salem and all the good times there. I want that. I want to live with people that are passionate about Jesus. I miss it. At the same time, being around all those wonderful people with dreams and passions, made me realize I have no true dream or passion. I say I want to help kids, but I have no idea in which way. Do I want to teach them or make them healthy? Or maybe help train young adults to pursue their passions. I know I wouldn't be happy living in the suburbs with 2.5 kids and a dog my whole life. I want more. But I don't know what. I thought doing a DTS would help make me realize my passions, but it seemed to make them even less defined. I know God has a plan A for my life, but I want to know what that plan is. Or at least a direction to go in. When I go back to Grants Pass, I don't want to feel like I am taking a step backward. I want to keep moving forward. On to my destiny. This is a jumble of thoughts. I hope it somehow makes sense. Anyway, here is a quote I have been repeating over and over to myself- 'If God can make a shepard a king, turn fishermen into world changers, and a group of slaves into a nation, what more can He do with you?' I know there is a plan and a purpose for me, I just need to not rest until I find it.

What the world needs now...

2007-08-26T20:55:00.000+02:00

I was listening to the radio the other day, and a commercial came on that really got me. Weird, I know, but keep reading. Now I am your typical English-speaking type and I don't understand German radio. So my only option is the Armed Forces Network. Needless to say, a commercial for Army Chaplains comes on. The story goes along these lines... Two Protestant Ministers, a Catholic Priest, and a Jewish Rabbi were on a boat. (Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but bear with me.) The boat collided with a reef and began sinking fast. The Chaplains took charge and helped get all passengers aboard into life-jackets and lifeboats. When the life-jackets ran out, they selflessly gave up their own. When the lifeboats were filled, the men stayed behind so others could be saved. As the ship went down, they were seen holding hands and singing hymns. Wow. That is pretty heavy stuff. There was no arguing over who had the correct theology, who was getting to Heaven the fastest, who God listened to more... Nothing. They just came together and did what needed to be done. I think this is an example of how we all should be living.
I stumbled upon this blog the other day, and I was blown away. How on earth can we proclaim Gods' love for all when we can't even love or respect others who may have different views??? I am not saying that we should just agree with everyone and never speak up, but I am saying that we should stop and listen to what other people have to say. I am tired of hearing us put down others 'in the name of the Lord'. Where did we get that authority? I know we are human. I know we make mistakes and we screw things up, but maybe it isn't as complicated as we make it out to be. Love God and love people. Hmm. Sounds pretty simple. So when that one person who you find really annoying and you would rather punch in the face than help them without expecting anything in return, try it. It just might make their day better, and *gasp* help you to start living out what you hear on Sunday mornings. This is totally a lesson I need to learn. A lot of the time I just complain about things that seem like a huge deal, but in reality they are not. I need to stop complaining and start serving. I'll let you know how it is going...

2007-05-21T21:37:00.000+02:00

I am the worst blogger ever. Sorry. But I am getting in the mood to type my thoughts down again! Here we go...

A good friend of mine asked me a simple question the other day. One that I can't seem to get out of my head. The question? 'What did God put in your heart that wasn't there before you left for YWAM?' As I was typing my response, I realized how much God has put on my heart and how it has developed over the years. I have always been passionate for helping kids and being there for them, but there is more to it than that. I want to get to know people, any people. Whether they love Jesus or not. I want to listen to them, laugh and cry with them, learn from them, and be a friend to them. Now, I know this can happen anywhere, even in the states, but I want to do this outside of what is comfortable to me. I want to be stretched. And I want to travel. (This is earth-shattering stuff for me. I am from a small town where people usually graduate high school, get married, and have a baby all in the same year. And then they settle down into the house across the street from Mom and Dad and live there 'happily' the rest of their lives. They only travel to California and they never think of leaving the country. Now, there are few exceptions to that rule, but for the most part it is life for Grants Passians. Thank God I have remained unmarried and babyless.)

This is not even close to being finished, but it is late and I am leaving for Türkei tomorrow! It's nice to know, even a year later, I am able to keep processing my time during my DTS.

What am I doing with my life?

2007-02-13T13:30:00.000+01:00

This is the question of the year it seems. I know that God has given me a dream to help kids, but what does that entail? Aneta and I talked last night for a few hours about life. She told me that she had been in school for 19 years! That is over half her life! The discussion got me thinking about my life had I stayed in school. I would be graduating this year with a degree in... I don't even know. Four years ago it would have been a major in Physical Therapy and a minor in Spanish. Last year it would have been a kindergarten teacher. Now? I am looking into becoming a mid-wife. But do I really have the courage/ability/stamina to be able to bring a life into the world? What if something were to go wrong? Would I be able to live with myself? But I digress. If I had stayed in school, I would not have traveled or met all the wonderfully crazy people I now know or be anywhere near where I should be in my relationship with God. Sure I would have my degree, but at what cost? I am so thankful that God points us in the right direction even when we aren't asking Him to. I love that Troy brought up the fact that God always has plan A for our lives. No matter how far we go, He always brings us back to where we are supposed to be. When God calls forth destiny, He will make sure it comes to pass. I am so thankful that with every step I take, I am becoming the woman God has called me to be. Even if I can't see it right now. So, what am I doing with my life? I don't know, but I am finding out more and more that that is ok. I don't need to know what is going to happen a few days, months, years down the road. I think this is the first time in my life where I actually know that, in the Hebrew sense. I also know that I want to change the world for the better and not waste the short amount of time I have here on Earth. Starting with one kid at a time...

New Year's in Barcelona!

2007-01-08T20:01:00.000+01:00

This New Year's Eve was one like no other! First, I got to spend it with Miss Courtney and second, I was in Spain! The night was perfect! It started out with dinner at 10pm with the family Courtney is an au pair for. They were very welcoming to me and I felt right at home. We had an amazing seafood platter. Fresh crab, calamari, octopus, shrimp, mussels, ect. There was also duck patte, cheese and French wine. The whole time we were eating, the TV was on so we could not miss the moment the clock strikes twelve. At midnight, it is tradition in Spain to eat twelve grapes, one every three seconds. There is a bell that rings so you know when to eat your next grape. Apparently, this is a dangerous custom as people tend to choke on the grapes. So, throwing caution to the wind, Courtney and I decided to totally immerse ourselves in the culture. As soon as the bell started ringing, we started popping the grapes in our mouths! It was a little difficult to swallow, as there were seeds in the grapes, but we survived! After a salute with Spanish Cava(sparkling wine) and many hugs and kisses, Carlos drove us to the metro. After a long, crowded ride, we finally arrived at our destination. La Rambla. A very happening place, especially on New Year's. As we were walking amoung the crowds, we realized we were the only single girls out. Hmm. Seconds after realizing this, I was grabbed by a Pakistani man and kissed on the check. He was trying for my lips, but I managed to turn my head just in time. Weird, we thought. Then it happened again! To Courtney this time. She was able to somehow get a great picture of it. After a few times, it stopped being funny and we were starting to get annoyed. We could see guys looking at us with the intent to kiss us, so we could push them, or slap them, away before they could.

After about two hours of this, we were getting tired. And the next train wasn't due to take us home until 6:30! So we found a place to sit and people watch. A group of Gambians were sitting by us and one of them came over and talked to us for a while. He really wanted us to go to a disco with him, but Courtney and I didn't feel like paying a €30 cover-charge. And we didn't want to go with him. Finally, James saved the day by calling Courtney and giving us an excuse to leave. As Courtney was talking to James, I was able to sit and watch people be funny or stupid. I saw a guy on a motorcycle try to stop at a stoplight and completely fall over. He stumbled around for a bit before getting back on his bike. I was very glad I was not driving that night. Then there was a dancing Pakistani. Very entertaining! He was listening to an iPod and just dancing. It was awesome! We did a little more sightseeing after Court got off the phone. I was able to see some more Gaudi buildings. Then Courtney talked to an Indian boy in Spanish and I just sat there. It was ok, though. I was too tired to talk, even in English. Finally we went to the train station, where it was warm, and bought our tickets for the way home. On the train ride home, we sat by more Gambians, apparently there are lots of them in Spain. They told me that my name, as a last name, meant you were a Christian in Gambia! Very cool! So, if I ever go to Gambia, my name will be well-known! When we arrived home, we had warm crossiants and hot chocolate with peppermint schnapp's! And Courtney, being the wonderful friend that she is, let me use her phone card to call Ryan at midnight in Idaho! It made me very happy to be able to talk to him and wish him a happy new year. As I was talking to him, the sun was rising over the Mediterranean. A beautiful ending to a crazy night in Barcelona!

Get angry with God!

2006-12-18T22:29:00.000+01:00

You know how God has a way of revealing Himself to you through strange things? Well, that happened to me today. Last night, I got angry at God. I cried, I yelled, I pleaded. All to no avail. I guess I thought God would give me some response, but I got nothing. I ended up falling asleep with a pounding headache. That was it. It wasn't until today that last night made sense. I am reading an excellent book called 'The Sacred Diaries of Adrian, Andromeda and Leonard' by Adrian Plass. This is the first book I have ever read to make me actually laugh out loud several times! Anyway, as I was reading tonight, a passage really spoke to me. So much that I felt the need to blog about it right away. Here it is...

(To catch you up, Adrian is a Christian author and speaker. The book is written as his diary. He is in the middle of speaking at an outreach dinner.) "I said, 'Look, I could be wrong, but I think God is saying to me that there are some people here tonight who need to forgive God.' Panicked suddenly at what I could hear coming out of my own mouth. 'Of course,' I went on hastily, 'he can't actually do anything wrong to be forgiven for, but that's what's so difficult sometimes, isn't it? I mean - well, it's not very easy to have a real row with someone who never ever gets anything wrong, is it?' Suddenly seemed to know exactly what to say. 'I mean, there must be some of us who want to climb up onto God's lap like small children and bash at his chest with our little fists, and say, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I asked you to help me and you didn't help me. You knew what I was feeling - you knew what needed to happen and you didn't do it. You say you love me, but you don't! If you did, you would have done something, but you didn't! I hate you!"'
Suddenly spotted Gerald's face, his eyes wide with surprise at what I was saying. Remembered when he was just a little boy.
'When my son was very small,' I said, hoping Gerald wouldn't mind, 'he did exactly that once or twice. First, he'd be really angry, and then when he'd worn himself out with crossness, he'd cry, all curled up on my lap. Then, when he'd cried the last drop of energy away, he'd just fall asleep and I'd hold him for ages. And the important thing is - I think the important thing is that he had to go through all that fighting and fretting to get the nasty spiky feelings out of himself, and he did it in the safest place he knew, which was in my arms.'
Gerald's not the sort of chap whose eyes mist over much, but when I glanced at him I'm pretty sure that's what they were doing.
I looked around at the other faces in the room. 'God doesn't mind you being angry with him,' I said.
What was I saying?
'He's used to taking the blame. In fact he'd rather you took it out on him than someone else.'"

During DTS, a speaker(Troy, I think) told us how he would yell at God. The idea seemed completely foreign to me then, but now it doesn't seem so strange. God actually likes us to yell at him. At least we are actually talking then.

I feel so alone here! I have friends that I do things with and I love my 'job', but I miss my family and friends back home. Maybe it's because Christmas and my birthday are coming up. I don't know. But I wish I knew why I was here. What is God's plan for this? I am doing stuff here that I could do at home. Yeah, it's a new cultural experience, but why? Am I 'called' to Germany? I don't think so. At least God hasn't told me.

I kind of like writing on here. It helps get all of my crazy jumbled thoughts into one place. Hmm. Interesting.

The wait is over!

2006-12-14T13:28:00.000+01:00

So, I have finally been able to get my pictures off my camera and onto my computer! Hooray! It has been a long time coming, that's for sure. So, enjoy these pictures and I will write more later.

Middy and Tony's Big Adventure

2006-11-13T19:54:00.000+01:00

(I am Middy; Courtney is Tony. That's what our 'children' call us anyway!)
My wonderful, beautiful friend Courtney came to see me this past weekend! I was so blessed to have her come here and hang out with me for a while! It was definitely an adventurous weekend though. It started, for me, with a train ride to Frankfurt Airport. I left Wehrheim at 10pm and I arrived in Frankfurt at 11:30pm. (I actually switched trains and everything! All by myself!) Once at the airport, I searched out Starbucks. Ah! Nothing like real American coffee! I waited for Courtney, who was traveling by bus, plane, and bus again, until 2am. When we finally saw each other, it was heaven! A familiar face after 1 month of not knowing anyone is a beautiful thing! We sat and chatted for a few hours, got on the first train to the center of Frankfurt, and then proceeded to walk around the streets at 6am in the rain! We were the only ones out at that time, it was so peaceful! When we finally couldn't feel our extremities any longer, we found a train station and hopped on a train. I'm not really sure where we went or how long we were on the train, as we fell asleep as soon as we sat down, but it was warm and dry and free! We woke up and decided it was time for breakfast, so we asked a girl where we could go. Of course, she told us where McDonalds was. So, we got off the train at the right stop and ate at a quaint cafè across the street. We walked around that part of town for a while, did a little shopping, Court tried on wedding dresses, I cried, went to a Catholic Church, ate brotwurst, and froze some more. Around 1pm we had seen enough and we were ready to go home. So we travelled more by train and bus and finally arrived home at 4pm. We made a quick dinner, drank some Bailey's and hot chocolate, ate a delicious cake from my gay neighbor, and fell asleep. We slept for... 17 hours! It was amazing! We both needed it. On Sunday, we lounged around and took long, hot showers. Then Martin picked us up for bible study, German style. It was ok, I didn't understand anything and I don't think Courtney did either. After bible study, we went to dinner in Friedburg with some friends at a pub where Elvis Presley used to go when he was stationed in Germany! We had beer from a stein there! Our first experience with real German beer! We also had 'Mexican' nachos and we played the German version of Scum! Then, a friend took us to the train station to get back to the airport. Court's bus left at 3am, so we had to wait some more at Starbucks. (I was really sad to see her go, but I am going to Barcelona for Christmas and New Year's, hopefully. I think it will work out for me to get a week off and I can spend more time with Court in her country!) Then, I took the 5am train back to Wehrheim, took another bus to Obernhain and walked the rest of the way home. I was able to see the sun rise! It was amazing! Even though it was cloudy, the colors were still there! Alright, I am going to go get some much needed sleep!

Wine, Uno, and Strategy.

2006-10-27T22:59:00.001+02:00

So, I sit here at 11:00pm on a Friday night. What did I do my first Friday night in Europe while actually awake? I drank wine, played uno, and taught Dirk and Aneta what 'strategy' meant. All in all, it was a great night! I had the chance to go to Frankfurt with a couple other au pairs, but the idea of staying up all night in disco's really didn't appeal to me all that much. Hmm. I must be growing up. So, instead, I stayed home and played a hilarious round of uno with two crazy-in-love/drunk Germans. I love it! They are so real and romantic with each other. They are constantly badgering one another, trying everything in their power to make the other lose, yet they give shy smiles and winks across the table! Well, tomorrow is approaching fast, and I am exhausted! We are going to a town 90 kilometers away to participate in a festival celebrating the Brothers Grimm! How fun! I will have pictures as soon as I can!

Sorry...

2006-10-26T20:34:00.000+02:00

Well, this is a long time coming! I have been in Germany now for a week! It is really beautiful here. I love the family I am with, Dirk and Aneta and Aaron. They have really made me feel welcome in there home. I really wanted to get some pictures on here, but I still need to figure out how to download my pictures on the computer. Oh well. So, I started my job as an au pair on Monday. Things are going reasonably well. Aaron is very sweet and he laughs just like the younger brother on A Christmas Story. I love it! He loves to ride his bike, play soccer, hammer, and read. He is extremely easy to care for. He likes to do everything himself, which means I only have to make sure he doesn't kill himself. So far, I have been to a Roman castle, Saalburg, and Hessenpark, which is a town set up as it was in the 1500s. We are going to Poland one of these weekends to see Aneta's family, so more traveling for me! Yes! Aneta is a great cook and she wants to help me improve on my lack of cooking. So, soon I will know how to make some German and Polish dishes. I have my own floor, complete with my own bathroom and access to the internet. I hopefully will be starting German lessons next week, but we'll see. I've met two other au pairs so far and they seem very nice. I can't wait to get to know them more. Ok. Hopefully I will get some pics on here soon! There will be more to come for sure!

2006-10-12T04:27:00.000+02:00

8 days and counting... So I have embarked on the nearly impossible task of packing. Is it just me or does packing suck? A lot. I am trying to downsize my already overflowing suitcases, but I just can't seem to get it all in. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think I will need everything I own? I need to just take the basics and not worry about the rest. Oh! And I can't seem to find my passport! Another thing to add to my to-do list. So please pray for me! I really need it right now. I feel like there is a tremendous amount of pressure on me right now and I don't really know why. I do know that I am very, very excited for this weekend to come!! Only 3 more days and life will be a brighter place... Ok. Enough procrastination! I need to get back to packing.

2006-10-03T01:46:00.000+02:00

Well, I am officially moving to Germany. I bought my plane ticket today, so it's now a go. Weird.
My best friend, Ashley, and I were drinking chai last night and talking. She used a word to describe her feelings about me leaving, and I have decided to adopt that word for this season in my life. What's the word, you may ask? Bittersweet. Bittersweet is so perfect for me right now. I am sad that I am leaving all I know and love, but I am excited about what lies ahead. I know I will look back on this short time of transition between Salem and Germany with fond memories, but really I can't wait to leave the country. At the same time, I feel guilty for wanting to leave so bad. I love my family, but I am ready to move on with my life. Also, it seems to describe all the thoughts and feelings swimming around inside my head. Why do I let things bother me so much? Why do I care whether or not someone likes me? I know I shouldn't let people decide how I am feeling, but I do. I am human, I make mistakes. I am sorry that I am not perfect, just please don't expect me to be. So, bittersweet. That's my word.
(If someone can tell me how to have titles, that would be great! I can't seem to figure it out...)

2006-09-22T03:04:00.000+02:00

So, this is my blog. I have never had a blog before, so hopefully I will keep up with it. My bestest friend Candyce made me do this. So here goes...